I’m not sure what I want to write about this sorry affair. On one hand I couldn’t care less, on the other some of the bile that is being spouted has nothing to do with the issues at hand.

There is a lot of same-old, same-old in this story. Rich footballer shags model. Chelsea footballer cheats on this wife. Blah, blah, blah. I don’t give a toss about this side of the story. A lot of men give in to temptation when beautiful young women put it on a plate for them. It’s rag worthy when it involves a footballer, especially an English one, because we know how the English love to tear into their own.

What interests me is the fallout. For example, should Terry have been axed as England captain? What would I do if I was England manager..

The first thing I’d do is have a meeting with Wayne Bridge. I’d ask him one question “Would you play for an England team captained by John Terry?” If the answer was “No” then I wouldn’t bring him to South Africa with me anyway. If the answer was “Yes” then I know this boy will do anything to help his country win a World Cup.

The next question would be who to appoint next when I strip Terry of the captaincy? The general consensus seems to be that the England captain has to set a good example for young players coming through. This example has to be both on and off the pitch.

Lets go through some of the leading candidates.

Wayne Rooney is out, as he abuses referees and has sex with old prostitutes. Steven Gerrard is out, as he punches lads in bars. Rio Ferdinand is out as he abuses referees on a weekly basis, and misses drug tests. Ashley Cole could yet be dragged into the Terry saga, and he’s hardly a good role model. Who does that leave?

For me, I’d have to go with Gareth Barry. Leads by example on the pitch, and appears to lead a quiet life off the pitch. With it looking increasingly likely that Owen Hargreaves is going to lose his fight for fitness (here’s hoping he can win it, another good guy), Barry looks like being an automatic first choice too, so all the boxes are ticked.

I’m glad I’m not English manager though, Mr Capello is a much more skilled fire-fighter than me.